Today I felt cute.
I had a bit of money so I went make-up shopping (which is really difficult for me since I have psoriasis and atopic dermatitis, yes both). Once home I tried a natural but cute make-up with the new products I bought, and I felt really pretty. In the afternoon I went to the hairdresser and I cut my hair even shorter, in a simple pixie cut. I thought I looked good, this new haircut frames my face well and is super comfortable too. I got home smiling, happy about my appearence. Which, trust me, is really rare.
Once home, my father felt in need to let me know I “look gross and I look like an ugly man” then proceeded to laugh at me. My father. My only parent remaining, the first example of male figure I got, thinks I look gross because I don’t have long hair and a slim body so I don’t look feminine.
I shouted at him he didn’t have any right to say so and he told me I’m too nervous. And you know what?
I’M NOT NERVOUS, I’M FUCKING PISSED. I HAD INSECURITY FOR ALL MY LIFE BECAUSE OF YOU TELLING ME SHIT LIKE THIS. AFTER LIVING MY TEEN YEARS HATING MY BODY AND SOUL I’M FINALLY WORKING ON BEING COMFORTABLE WITH MYSELF AND YOU THINK YOU CAN RUIN IT WITH JUST A PHRASE BECAUSE I DON’T LOOK AESTHETICALLY APPEALING TO YOU. MY. FATHER.
So here’s what. I cried a lot, I felt deeply insecure about myself once again, I felt like two years ago when I couldn’t look myself in the fucking mirror because I would start crying out of sadness. And I am tired. I had plenty and I will not accept your attempt to let me down anymore. NO ONE can tell me I’m not beautiful. NO ONE can tell me I’m not feminine, because I know I am. He said this because he’s fucking stupid and thinks his opinion is the most important thing in the world.
I’m not undercutting this post, because this is a message.
NO ONE HAS ANY QUALIFICATION OR RIGHT TO TELL YOU YOU’RE NOT BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE.
And if you honestly think you are not and it is not affecting you so bad, it’s fine too. Beauty is a nice thing but it is not important to anyone, because it’s not the best quality you can have. You’re not here to please anyone, not your parents, not your friends, not your partner, just yourself. YOU. ARE. FINE. So get angry if someone tells you otherwise.
And please, if you think someone doesn’t look good in that make-up or haircut be very gentle about it or, please, SHUT THE FUCK UP. You could ruin someone’s beautiful day.